MOTIVATED TO DO SOMETHING MORE

MALCOLM GLADWELL in DAVID & GOLIATH

From a conversation with ‘one of the most powerful people in Hollywood’.

"The summer of his sixteenth year, he went to work at his father’s scrap – metal business.  It was hard, physical labour. He was treated like any other employee.  “It made me not want to live in Minneapolis.  It made me never want to depend on working for my father.  It was awful . It was dirty. It was hard. It was boring. It was putting scrap metal in barrels.  ….  I think, looking back, my father wanted me to work there because he knew that if I worked there, I would want to escape.  I would be motivated to do something more.”

C and I have been friends now for over 30 years.  We met in our graduation classes when she was around 20 and I was 26.  She became one of  the ‘adopted sisters’ of our family. Through the many phases of our individual lives, we have continued to be in touch and share our joys and sorrows, aches and pains . Her husband  V came from a business family that dealt in spare parts for cars.  He lugged heavy weights around to build his business almost going door to door to deliver the goods and collect payments.  Soon  from a corner of a shop, he grew to two shops of his own  - one for each son.  But the sons ,like the Hollywood star, wanted no part in that business of machine oils and heavy metal parts – one went off to the US, finished his MS and the other got into finance after an MBA. V is quite often sad to shut down his business. I was reminded of V and his sons when I read this. Perhaps, we should be happy that the boys have been motivated to do better !!

Parent and Desperation

Desperation of being inadequate...

It is very difficult to endure but cannot be avoided as most of the time we parents feel that we are not able to do enough for our children and here I am not talking about materially but in terms of guidance and support.We see our children going wrong but try how ever hard are not able to get them to understand that the path they are following is doomed.It is very painful to see this happening but as parent this pain is part of the package of parenting especially when your child is in teenage.Also,mind you, these days teenage starts very early due to all those physiological  and psychological changes that medical science talks about ,but it also ends very late,taking with it the most precious time when children need to focus on their growth and development.Just pray that you as parent have to endure less of this ... 

Parent and Happiness

Where is the source of happiness of parents?

Deepak Chopra tweeted:When you know yourself ,you access happiness at its source.

Parents tend to stop being human,they source their happiness in the happiness of their kids.Is it right? No! The parents should be happy with their kids but should not source their happiness in them.This will only bring lot of unhappiness to them as kids are also separate human beings who need their space.A parent should learn to grow with their kids and be matured when the kids mature to let them go .When I say ,let them go I do not mean literally but mentally.The parents can do this comfortably if they develop their source of happiness outside their kids.Both parents and kids have to develop -grow side by side forming a relationship that gives both of them space to grow -develop individual interests-activities away from each other. 

Parent and Death

I was reading John Grishm's The Confession...
A very gripping novel as expected from him.There is this scenario when mother receives her wrongly prosecuted son's body.The writer gives full justice to mother's emotions by describing in complete details how she goes about cleaning and dressing up her son's body.
The author very aptly describes how at every part of her son's body she ponders and thinks about her son's life as it was(being in jail for nine years for a crime he did not commit) and what it could have been.
A very traumatizing description that could make you relate to the pain the mother is going through.

It made me realize how insensitive we have become as human being towards all this.We read about death due to terrorist attacks as a regular feature in our newspapers without even blinking an eye .We as society have accepted this sort of unprecedented death as a norm in certain parts of the world with no concern to the fact that those dying there are also special to somebody.
We all know death is only certain thing in life but who has given right to some to plan death for others.Not only that but to live in constant fear of death of your loved ones must be so painful .Think..  

Acceptance and Parents

Parents are of three type.

1. Who are the extra power variety ,which take on them selves to change the destiny of their child with sheer hard work ,grit and relentless conviction.Give them any kind of kids-ordinary-extra ordinary-below average ,they will carve their future brilliantly.

2.These are little less aggressive than the first lot,they are the one who are gifted with bright children and they give them ample time and support to help them achieve their destined success.I say destined because they are already half way by natures gift of good brain.

3.This is the fire less variety that has read lot of child psychology books ,they believe in giving space to their kids ,let them grow on their on pace.You can even say a little lazy variety.Their kids are successful by their own fire(if they are gifted that!).

The million dollar question is which variety is correct.

What is the right way of bringing up kids?
Which kids fare the best?

The most coveted one: 

Do parents control the destiny of their kids?

Children and Guilt

My mother is retired so now she has ample time to look back into her life.She has developed this new hobby of reflecting on all her past actions and relating to things that are happening in her life now.

She retired as principal from a school where she gave her one hundred percent because from a 4 children school she took it to 3000 children -senior secondary school.the journey was long and rewarding as she got National Award for Best Teacher in process.

But yes mathematically if 100% was given here then where did the family fit in.The family fitted very well with all this because sometimes women are too harsh on self feeling that they have done injustice to their family by giving their maximum to job.This is not true.The drive in such females is a God gift which they had to accept and pursue.

So with that God plans the rest too.Also their journey is such an inspiration to their family that even when they are busy they are the guiding spirit of their family.

BEING GRATEFUL TO ONE’S CHILDREN

Children are quite often told and sometimes expected to be grateful to their parents for all that they are in life.  They naturally are – except when we as parents damage them or thwart their growth. 

Quite often these days (especially after they are grown up) it occurs to me how we as parents need to be grateful to our children – for the joy they bring us, the maturity they help us again, for the youth and enthusiasm they bring back into our lives as we grow older – countless happy memories. 

For someone like me, sitting down in meditation is an immense achievement.  So it was like I had scaled Mt Everest when I sat/stood through a three hour meditation at Yogada Satsang last Saturday.  When we finished and came out, my mind went to the one that my daughter and son-in-law had taken us to in Los Gatos when we were visiting them.  They drove us all the way from San Jose , came back to take us out for lunch and put us back and then one more time back all the way in the evening to pick us up! All of it with a smile (at the end of a busy working week) and just because my husband expressed a desire to go !

All of them – son, daughter, son-in-law (sometimes including me) make fun of my husband and his obsession with his guru and meditation.  But inspite of that , on our last visit , they ensured that we attended the annual convocation at Los Angeles for a week . Of course, all paid for totally by them.  Again, just to make their father happy !

Such caring is indeed to die for ! Shouldn’t one feel grateful for the wonderful gesture ? All parents must have memories of such instances. 

No just this – there are so many other wonderful memories to cherish – right from the time they enter our lives,  they give us so much that I feel  we must be  grateful to God and our children for this wonderful life. 

God or mother ???

Ramu felt  very ill, with a variety of ailments.  When he met the village medicine man, he opened his bag of woes.  After a patient hearing, the medicine man realized that the cause was more mental and emotional than physical.  The incessant negative thoughts in the man’s head were driving his body to feign illnesses.

“Take two teaspoons of this medicine three times a day  - but before you do so, don’t think of the black monkey” said the medicine man, handing him a bottle of medicine.

Ramu went home, quite happy to have found a solution to his maladies.  Next morning, he opened the bottle and then remembered the medicine man’s injunctions.

“ What  is it that I am not supposed to think of ?”  he pondered for a few minutes .

“Ah, the black monkey !” he said to himself, just as he swallowed the medicine !!

Isn't this what we all quite often do – we sit in front of diet food and think how unsatisfying or unappetizing it is.  Or look at a pretty dress and then imagine how unsuited it is to us as it will make us look fat.  Ice cream – fat,  butter – fat, rice – fat, fruit – sugar – calories.  Our mind is constantly thinking fat, fat fat.  How can we ever be slim or healthy or beautiful ??? 

What is more, as mothers we equate love with food - we want chubby babies.  We feel so guilty when our children's weight gain is found wanting by the paediatrician.  And so, we stuff them with food and more food.  If we value only plump babies, can we ever have healthy adults ? 

appreciate and enjoy

Sometimes as parents we get tired because life has tendency to hit at once, from all directions.The job which is an integral part of our life has it own issues and challenges.The family adds to it when they unaware of what we are going through at work become demanding.The family sometimes does it out of need because that is our role in the family that suggests that we are always there for them,also sometimes it is our doing that we extend ourselves beyond human possibility.
But no where along this tough journey should we forget to appreciate the gift that God has given us i.e. our FAMILY and always enjoy their presence in our life.

Why are some of us fat?

I always think about the God's strategy behind this. He could have easily made us all same as potatoes but no he had to create different shapes out of us - as shared by our fashion specialist-pear shape,apple shape...

After pondering on this question I came to a very interesting conclusion:
God has decided on quota of health and fitness He assigns to each human being depending on his performance in past life(me being a Hindu am firm believer of this).Now once this quota is decided it is subdivided into health and physical beauty.
So those who are physically beautiful with no serious health issues stand at the top of the list, and then slowly different fine percentage divisions are done which are too mathematical to be taken up here.
I for one stand some where in middle of this quota list so He could have made me slimmer but then He would have to give me a load of health problems to balance the total amount assigned to me so instead He made me fat and spared me of serious health issues.

The crux of the matter is God knows the Best,He knows what we need and He is least bothered about what we desire.I wish as parents we could also follow the same principle with our kids.

Parents and Running Away

Parents are self bonded labourers .They have chosen this slavery so cannot run away from pain and sorrow it brings to them.They are gifted by God just enough strength to face the same .Even when it seems that now is the upper limit of patience a human can have in the particular situation,parents show that they are far above human limits.This gift of God is well explored by children,they through out their growing up keep challenging this limit of parents in fact goading them,encouraging them to extend their limit of endurance.So instead of getting irritated with our kids we should be thankful to them for converting us to super human.

Jobs and Human

Jehangir Poocha dies of cardiac arrest at age of 46.Can it be stress which is a natural gift of job or was it ignorance towards health because of busy life style.Anything can be possible but what we need to learn from this whole incident is to take our jobs as seriously as possible.We tend to make our jobs larger than life. In fact it becomes our life.We associate our success as human being to job.It is good in fact excellent to do the work assigned to you perfectly but with this thought perfectly embedded in your mind that you can just be as perfect as possible.So relax and do not carry guilt of each failure on your shoulders.I remember the first book I read of Deepak Chopra he said we need to accept each event that takes place with the feeling that this is how it was meant to be. Tough to do but essential to survive.So next time you have a deadline do your best and leave the rest to Him.I hope you will understand who Him is ,yes Almighty.

Sri Sri Dayamata on Parenting

The best change for success in raising children is if the parents themselves set the right standards by their own example.  Children need to see that the results of those standards imposed on them are beneficial. When guidance  is given by example and with love and understanding, it will enhance the karmic good already present in the children from their past lives, and provide opportunity for further growth. 

To thus nurture inherent good tendencies and to plant seeds of new ones in young lives given into their care is the God - given duty of parents - a skilled profession, indeed !

CEOs as parents

Scenario ! : L walked into the Principal's office with her resignation while there was still a month to go for term end.  She wanted to leave by the end of the term as her husband had been posted to another city and the family had to shift.  There was also an additional request for a week's leave in between to facilitate the packing and moving.  The principal threw a fit and threw the application out.  L had no choice but resort to taking the official channel of sending the resignation by registered mail to the school board, for which she was pulled up again.

The solution came when a mentor intervened and asked the principal to accept the resignation with the proviso that it would only remain a week's leave and that she would come back to finish her work.

Scenario 2 :  C needs 3 days of leave to attend a conference in a distant city that will help her with her special child's career decisions.  Same principal - same reaction - leave refused.  This time it is a parent-teacher meeting that is coming in the way.  The tussle is still on.

This is what made me think of the 1001 tussles and negotiations a parent has to do - to see that rules are not broken and at the same time the child is not hurt by the decision. 

Should I let my reticent son go on a week long picnic with his classmates ?  What time limit should I set for my teenage daughter to stay out with her friends during her school farewell party ? One could negotiate and create a win-win situation or put down one's heavy foot. 

If only we carried this trait to our work place especially when we become the head or CEO - our parenting skills will retain that fine quality of empathy which will carry the day.   

humanity

One does not have to be Gandhi or Mother Teresa to work for humanity.We just have to create little place in your day to day life for it.We can start with a smile to our neighbour who is an old -alone lady, there is no need to renounce your life but, a little action of doing something without a hope of return, which in beginning will have to be planned and later become part of our lifestyle.This will NOT BENEFIT OTHERS BUT US ONLY as we will start feeling good inside.
Go ahead give it a shot.

Parents and Self Pity

This is an interesting fact but true for most of the parents.We always feel and are absolutely sure that we have not got a decent deal as parents.
Our siblings have better kids who are academically smart,good at games ... the list is endless.

Do we ever look into ourselves and realize that our kids are manifestations of our deeds and thoughts.May be we did not hope hard enough for them to succeed How do we measure success? Is success not relative term? Isn't happiness more important?

Acceptance and Patience

Deepak Chopra tweeted: Each of us is a unique strand in the intricate web of life and here to make contribution.

Parents should be a firm believer of this thought. This will make their journey of growing up kids peaceful as they will not worry themselves to death thinking what future has en stored for their children.
This will also give freedom to children to pursue their dreams as they will have this faith that they are all part of a bigger picture.

beautiful people

I sometimes ponder on this .How does beauty define a person? Does it help the person to be  better human being because he/she has that gift or does it make him/her vain.What is the ideology behind this gift of GOD.

Choose Your Child

Yes, choose your child..

We as parent may not be able to decide and work out the material success our child will have, but we can choose the behavior of our child. We can help our child in becoming a better human being.It will not be easy as you have to be role model first. You have to resist ALL TEMPTATIONS of short cuts, whether it is to give away to anger or avoid doing the right thing or even as small as bitching about your neighbour.In nut shell bring up BEHAVIORALLY sound kids will take away the simple pleasures from your life.Next stage is appreciation of right and discussion of wrong.This is very essential.You have to be always sighting examples to your kids of whatever you see around, however minuscule, but appreciable has to be pointed out. The right action by your child has to be appreciated. But wrong action by your kid has to be DISCUSSED, please not I have not used words punished or reprimand as this will take child away from you. You need to give them the confidence that you will understand their mistake then only they will come forward and discuss with you.  So please discuss and make them understand their error.

And in return enjoy the chance of choosing your child.

Parents and Friends

As you move into grind of parenting you're whole perspective of life changes. The friends you had cherished all along also change. You get a new set of friends. Set in Mathematics is a well-defined collection of objects and the inner bond behind this set is kids. This set will comprise of two types of people -one which are required friends -the fellow parents whose kids are in the same class as your child, mind you this is a large part of this set because in the present scenario of fierce competition we want our child to excel in all, so they have n number of classes so as a result n number of parents enter this set.Next are those friends who like our child in spite of their shortcomings and support us in the journey of growing them, these are the cherished lot who have that strong love for you to stand by you in your hour of need and trust me these are those who help you in this tough journey....

Do we love or fear God

God as we know him...
God has always been a mystery which we have not been able to solve till date. Across the time we see how in all civilizations God has been an object of fear. New and innovative ways were worked out to please God.
The events were all related to pleasing God by torturing the self which is very funny as to how this ideology developed that God will be satisfied if we are unhappy-uncomfortable and even in pain.

God should be about love-unconditional -unrewarded love.We should be able to love him for what he stands and should have no expectations from him.And if we do not have expectations then we shall also not assume that anything wrong in our life is due to him.

Humans and God

Why does a human seek God....

God's existence and survival across the ages of humanity is an interesting example of persistence on part of God and human.Over and again the existence of God has been questioned. And each time he has come back with greater conviction.The faith of humanity in God has been a subject of discussion across humanity with no bar of place-society-race.When we look for a common thread in existence of humanity across the differences created by land-race-language-society ,it is God.God is the most sought after -most loved-most hated- most wanted persona.