MOTIVATED TO DO SOMETHING MORE

MALCOLM GLADWELL in DAVID & GOLIATH

From a conversation with ‘one of the most powerful people in Hollywood’.

"The summer of his sixteenth year, he went to work at his father’s scrap – metal business.  It was hard, physical labour. He was treated like any other employee.  “It made me not want to live in Minneapolis.  It made me never want to depend on working for my father.  It was awful . It was dirty. It was hard. It was boring. It was putting scrap metal in barrels.  ….  I think, looking back, my father wanted me to work there because he knew that if I worked there, I would want to escape.  I would be motivated to do something more.”

C and I have been friends now for over 30 years.  We met in our graduation classes when she was around 20 and I was 26.  She became one of  the ‘adopted sisters’ of our family. Through the many phases of our individual lives, we have continued to be in touch and share our joys and sorrows, aches and pains . Her husband  V came from a business family that dealt in spare parts for cars.  He lugged heavy weights around to build his business almost going door to door to deliver the goods and collect payments.  Soon  from a corner of a shop, he grew to two shops of his own  - one for each son.  But the sons ,like the Hollywood star, wanted no part in that business of machine oils and heavy metal parts – one went off to the US, finished his MS and the other got into finance after an MBA. V is quite often sad to shut down his business. I was reminded of V and his sons when I read this. Perhaps, we should be happy that the boys have been motivated to do better !!

Parent and Desperation

Desperation of being inadequate...

It is very difficult to endure but cannot be avoided as most of the time we parents feel that we are not able to do enough for our children and here I am not talking about materially but in terms of guidance and support.We see our children going wrong but try how ever hard are not able to get them to understand that the path they are following is doomed.It is very painful to see this happening but as parent this pain is part of the package of parenting especially when your child is in teenage.Also,mind you, these days teenage starts very early due to all those physiological  and psychological changes that medical science talks about ,but it also ends very late,taking with it the most precious time when children need to focus on their growth and development.Just pray that you as parent have to endure less of this ... 

Parent and Happiness

Where is the source of happiness of parents?

Deepak Chopra tweeted:When you know yourself ,you access happiness at its source.

Parents tend to stop being human,they source their happiness in the happiness of their kids.Is it right? No! The parents should be happy with their kids but should not source their happiness in them.This will only bring lot of unhappiness to them as kids are also separate human beings who need their space.A parent should learn to grow with their kids and be matured when the kids mature to let them go .When I say ,let them go I do not mean literally but mentally.The parents can do this comfortably if they develop their source of happiness outside their kids.Both parents and kids have to develop -grow side by side forming a relationship that gives both of them space to grow -develop individual interests-activities away from each other. 

Parent and Death

I was reading John Grishm's The Confession...
A very gripping novel as expected from him.There is this scenario when mother receives her wrongly prosecuted son's body.The writer gives full justice to mother's emotions by describing in complete details how she goes about cleaning and dressing up her son's body.
The author very aptly describes how at every part of her son's body she ponders and thinks about her son's life as it was(being in jail for nine years for a crime he did not commit) and what it could have been.
A very traumatizing description that could make you relate to the pain the mother is going through.

It made me realize how insensitive we have become as human being towards all this.We read about death due to terrorist attacks as a regular feature in our newspapers without even blinking an eye .We as society have accepted this sort of unprecedented death as a norm in certain parts of the world with no concern to the fact that those dying there are also special to somebody.
We all know death is only certain thing in life but who has given right to some to plan death for others.Not only that but to live in constant fear of death of your loved ones must be so painful .Think..  

Acceptance and Parents

Parents are of three type.

1. Who are the extra power variety ,which take on them selves to change the destiny of their child with sheer hard work ,grit and relentless conviction.Give them any kind of kids-ordinary-extra ordinary-below average ,they will carve their future brilliantly.

2.These are little less aggressive than the first lot,they are the one who are gifted with bright children and they give them ample time and support to help them achieve their destined success.I say destined because they are already half way by natures gift of good brain.

3.This is the fire less variety that has read lot of child psychology books ,they believe in giving space to their kids ,let them grow on their on pace.You can even say a little lazy variety.Their kids are successful by their own fire(if they are gifted that!).

The million dollar question is which variety is correct.

What is the right way of bringing up kids?
Which kids fare the best?

The most coveted one: 

Do parents control the destiny of their kids?

Children and Guilt

My mother is retired so now she has ample time to look back into her life.She has developed this new hobby of reflecting on all her past actions and relating to things that are happening in her life now.

She retired as principal from a school where she gave her one hundred percent because from a 4 children school she took it to 3000 children -senior secondary school.the journey was long and rewarding as she got National Award for Best Teacher in process.

But yes mathematically if 100% was given here then where did the family fit in.The family fitted very well with all this because sometimes women are too harsh on self feeling that they have done injustice to their family by giving their maximum to job.This is not true.The drive in such females is a God gift which they had to accept and pursue.

So with that God plans the rest too.Also their journey is such an inspiration to their family that even when they are busy they are the guiding spirit of their family.

BEING GRATEFUL TO ONE’S CHILDREN

Children are quite often told and sometimes expected to be grateful to their parents for all that they are in life.  They naturally are – except when we as parents damage them or thwart their growth. 

Quite often these days (especially after they are grown up) it occurs to me how we as parents need to be grateful to our children – for the joy they bring us, the maturity they help us again, for the youth and enthusiasm they bring back into our lives as we grow older – countless happy memories. 

For someone like me, sitting down in meditation is an immense achievement.  So it was like I had scaled Mt Everest when I sat/stood through a three hour meditation at Yogada Satsang last Saturday.  When we finished and came out, my mind went to the one that my daughter and son-in-law had taken us to in Los Gatos when we were visiting them.  They drove us all the way from San Jose , came back to take us out for lunch and put us back and then one more time back all the way in the evening to pick us up! All of it with a smile (at the end of a busy working week) and just because my husband expressed a desire to go !

All of them – son, daughter, son-in-law (sometimes including me) make fun of my husband and his obsession with his guru and meditation.  But inspite of that , on our last visit , they ensured that we attended the annual convocation at Los Angeles for a week . Of course, all paid for totally by them.  Again, just to make their father happy !

Such caring is indeed to die for ! Shouldn’t one feel grateful for the wonderful gesture ? All parents must have memories of such instances. 

No just this – there are so many other wonderful memories to cherish – right from the time they enter our lives,  they give us so much that I feel  we must be  grateful to God and our children for this wonderful life.