There was a knock on the door around 9 one night and when I
opened it, I found her standing there with her young son. He did look weak and sick. I called them in and heard the story – the young
boy had been working in a faraway place, his first stint away from home. He could neither put up with the place nor
stand the food and soon fell ill with small pox. She had brought him home in that condition
and nursed him back to health. And now hearing about my workplace and my ability
to talk to people concerned, she was knocking on my door. R was the age of my younger brother – about 6
years younger than I was – 20 to my 26.
Soon he found a place in the computer section of my office and she
became a
regular visitor.
Long ago – when her husband was still living – she had been
my aunt’s neighbor. His untimely death had driven her to a job in a tailoring
factory to bring up her only son who was her sole support in life. All this I learnt after that night time
knock.
R did well at work – I got married and left to set up home
but my family remained in touch and they became our ‘adopted’ family. R too got married – rather unhappily and
compounded his miseries by losing his job and then adopting a girl child who is
even today intractable. To add to it
all, she ran away from home, got married to someone and is now saddled with
another girl child .
My family continues to be in touch with ‘maami’ as we call
her and that is how she is here with us in the sweltering heat to attend the 80th
birthday of some old friend. She herself
is now 78, wheezing and unable to take her mind off her son and his
family. He has not worked for the last
20 years or so and is forever
quarrelling with someone or the other.
If parenting a small child is a challenge, how does one
parent an elderly parent who refuses to grow up even as she grows older ? Her
body does not let her do too much – her only conversation is about the bad behavior
of her daughter-in-law and adopted grand daughter. Her only concerns every morning are whether
her son has slept well the previous night or had his breakfast. Even when watching TV, all she is thinking of
is what happened in a similar situation.
She can recall every word of a bitter conversation or argument.
I am wondering about the wisdom of ‘come grow old with me,
the best is yet to be’ !
Do parents grow up ?
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