human and parents: Parents and Hope

human and parents: Parents and Hope: What defines hope of parents? Is it based on critical analysis of the capability of your child? Is it based on aspirations your child ha...

My Time

Management guru Peter Drucker said,'There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all."

We are all stressed out because we feel we have no time for our self.We are depressed by the thought of not being able to do any thing for our dear ones, especially our children. We are guilty of not spending enough time with them.We can take credit of coining the new word"Quality Time" as this is the term that has been born out of recent scenario.

But have we ever wondered where our time is going? Most of us our not even doing much of house work but still are gasping for time. May be we are all guilty of what Peter says. 

So, take some time to check out what useless activities can be thrown out of your daily schedule to create space for self.

Gift of Time

The Hand that Gives is the Hand that Gathers

This old age statement holds true in all times. And mind you, we always do not have to think of giving in terms of money only, because though money is an important gift it is not most precious.The most precious is our thought and our time!
Yes! that is the gift we should give to those who have given their everything to us that is our parents and elders. Unfortunately we spend all our waking moment thinking about our children but are not ready to spend a few of these on our parents.Not realising that one day we will be in the same or may be even worse state.
Please do not put any age bar over my statement as this holds true at all times and ages. Each of us at any point of time our ignoring the needs of our elders. So do not assume that I am talking of some oldies, no I am putting this request in front of every child for their parents-age no bar.

Live It

Yesterday we talked about risking the life, today we are talking about living the life.

Can we just live the life on daily basis?
Can we just enjoy today without worrying about tomorrow?
Is it possible to accept all hardships of life as experiences and not ponder again and again on the most infamous question,"Why me?".

I personally feel that would be a wonderful way of life. if as parent I do not have to worry about my children's future, if as wife I do not have to worry about my husbands health and most important as human I do not have to worry about my own future!

But then I have got it all wrong! This is not what it says.When you live life as a journey where you are just travelling through a time phase, you have to get into a mode of doing best every moment. This best will be your best, it might not be in the given situation, but it is certainly your best!
And after that no thought has to be spared to it as you are again on the way to live the next moment!

Interesting but tough. Give it a try.I shall from this moment.

Risk It

Andre' Gide said,"One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time."

How many of us are ready for this?
How many of us have the strength to endure it?
Do we have right to take such risks when there are others who are dependent on our stability?
Who decides how much of risk is right?

My father

Thinking of Dr Vasani's fatherly attitude prompted me to write about my own father and other father figures that have been part of my life.  Perhaps, some fathers reading these posts might realise their importance. 

My father was a very handsome man – I watch today’s  Malayalam movies with Mohanlal and Mammootty, mainly because they are so reminiscent of that handsomeness – looks and character both well blended together.  My four brothers and my own son are all inheritors of those good looks.  (Of course, my mother’s brothers also have a contribution to make in the looks department)

My father was a very intelligent man who loved reading and books, movies and drama. 

He not only loved reading, he loved to talk about the books and the stories so that we were compelled to read it too.   I still remember the movie MY FAIR LADY.  Those were the days of the gramophone and LP.  He not only bought the record of the movie’s soundtrack but both Shaw’s Pygmalion on which the movie was based but  the print version of the movie script.  And then he would regale us with his own recitation of ‘The rain in Spain stays mainly on the plane’ or ‘why can’t a woman be more like a man’.  The latter particularly when my mother was in one of her whimsical moods !!

He was a story teller who narrated every story with a lot of songs and action.  

My son has a similar bent of mind – in fact when I visited him I found a copy of ‘Atma Bodha’ very similar to the one in my father’s shelf.  (I made it a point to get it from my sister and put it in my son’s cupboard.)

My daughter, though she spent very little time with him, has a similar habit – watching a movie and then reading the book.

One of my brothers has inherited this art of story telling. A lot of memories of Appa came flooding back when my brother told me about his new serial CODE RED. My mind flashed back to “A few good men” and when I asked him, my brother said that it was his connection for the title too. Well, that too is from my father. 

  

He was the one who nursed me through my chicken pox, the one who accompanied me to college and then took me out for a snack and movie on Saturday afternoon’s after college.  He came with me for my first job interview and made sure that I was comfortable at the work place.  He was the one who even taught me how to wear my sari – my mother always wore hers a few centimeters above her ankle but he made sure that I did not do that J

He had the same affection and fondness for all his eight children  and expressed it unhesitatingly.  Yet he never failed to punish us for any wrong doing either.   He lavished the same attention on each one too. 

While one never stops grieving for a father, nor do the memories ever go away, it is amazing how they keep coming back also ! A father too is forever.

Dr N V Vasani - a father figure

Dr N V Vasani

“Vidya vinayena shobhite’ – education makes you humble.  

A fruit laden tree does not shoot skywards – it only bends to the earth.

 

I had only heard of him as a great educationist until I met him before I took up an assignment with a school that was started by a leading industrial house in Gujarat.

His kind voice, his simplicity and smiling eyes were the most outstanding features, not to speak of his brilliant mind that could draw you out to put forth viewpoints  and at the same time put you at ease.  

For almost three years, I had the good fortune to sit with him atleast three to four times a year on various interview panels. 

That kindness, simplicity and smile were always there to put every candidate at ease. He ensured that not a single one was awed by his stature or wealth of knowledge.  Each one left the room with a sense of joy and success. And yet with unerring judgement, he would spot the right one and guide us.

Truly a father figure. 

He had been out of circulation for almost two years due to failing health.  My last glimpse of him was the beautiful, flower adored photograph only but I will always cherish the memory of the wise teacher.

RIP, Sir. 

Did I do it right ?

That is a constant question in any parents mind. 

A recent discussion with my son on ‘retaliation’ brought it back into mine. 

I have always been proud of the fact that he never retaliated with anger or violence at another child.If someone hit him, he would come home to ask “Should I hit so and so back ?”

It was the same with his little sister who would strike at him when she was angry or upset .  I cannot recall one occasion when he hit her back. 

So much so, when he had a bicycle, he would keep cycling the whole day and even tried to teach his sister.  One of the neighbours who had been observing him came back to tell me of his patience with her – how every time she lost her balance and fell down, she would howl and hit at him.  And how he would simply pick up the cycle and coax her to learn again. 

  Today, as an adult he feels that it is one of the greatest drawbacks in his nature – his lack of retaliation.  When he is hurt, he simply keeps it to himself and does not hit back at the person concerned. 

Did I teach him right ? 

Nigeria Red

What are we inviting and why?
Do we not feel the pain of death of fellow human?
How do we justify our action?
Can we be right in being unconcerned with issues that do not trouble our peace?
Are we not all assuming that this cannot happen to us?
Should we not all across world raise our voices of nonacceptance of such large massacre?

Worry Box

Create your worry box and keep your worries there is suggested by many.But is it really possible. Are we able to let go of our worries ? No!
We like to carry them around like a baggage. We stop ourselves from enjoying the pleasure that particular moment gives because we feel we do not deserve it. There are some in fact most of the worries which we cannot do much about. So then why do we hold on to them?
We hold on to them because we feel guilty that if we do not worry enough that means we are not taking on the responsibility we have been given. And this is so true of Parent Class. As parent we feel responsible for everything about our children. And if by chance we become enlightened enough to realise there is as much we can do, we have a set of well meaning relatives who always keep on reminding us what all we should be worrying about!
But trust me there is as much you can do as Parent so let the things flow and this time when you pack as set of worries in worry box do them for good!

Paris Hit

The attack in Paris is a proof of need to wake up to the fact that the danger of losing peace to war is very near and quiet real. We all as responsible citizens of the world need to re access our way of functioning so that we do not take our kids back to the dark world of war. 
It has taken a lot of time to recover from the war horrors, why do we want to go there again...  
Let us lead the world to peace and harmony not war....

Where is the answer?

Rainer Maria Rilke said,"...have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you cannot live with them. It is the question of experiencing them. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day."

Everyday we traumatize ourselves with the question"WHY ME?". Let us take a lesson from this thought that each of our question is a sapling that will grow at its own pace. As a good gardener we will water it, protect it but not pull it out to check its progress. One day at the right time it will bear fruit.

Busy as Ants

Thoreau said,'It is not enough to be busy, so are the ants. The question is what are you so busy about?'
We need to prioritize things in our life. Unknowingly we concentrate our energy on the mundane things that are important but not essential. We need to take this decision every hour how we are going to spend the next hour. It is an exercise which we have to remind ourselves to do first few days then it will become our habit.

Motivate My Self

New Year Resolution
Try saying encouraging things to yourself. 
Say and mean it.
Mean and believe it.

This year let us pull out the best in ourselves. Let us touch new heights of success in all small things we can think of. Let the doubting Tom rest in peace. Our belief in ourselves can take us places beyond our imagination. Hold on tight to your beliefs, You might slip a few times but do not give up.

So this year the resolution is not a target but a habit which can achieve all possible targets.